Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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