she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
