So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
