I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
