dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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