i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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