Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
