We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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