You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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