Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
