I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
