Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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