So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
