My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
