Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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