Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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