One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
