Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
