I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
