Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
