what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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