as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
