i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
