How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I FOUND THE LEGS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
