Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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