I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
