how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
