Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
