you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
