I faked an abortion last night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
