Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
