she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
They took my balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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