Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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