That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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