i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
