And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
