How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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