the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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