The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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