i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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