This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
