If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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