dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
