You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
