my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
