alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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