NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
