before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
