Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
