Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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