remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
