Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
